The Parenting Topic That Wouldn’t Die.

Why won’t this topic die?! RIFP. Rest in freaking peace….so to speak.


Us parents, we all want it. We all think back to the “good ole days”… the days of sleeping in, sleeping on and sleeping uninterrupted. At will! At leisure, even! But this is a tired over talked topic so today my dear readers you will get not my complaints and sad stories about the mere 5 hours of sleep I’ve had in the past two days.  No, I shall spare you that unoriginal woe.  Here, for your viewing pleasure, are my sleep deprived solutions and thoughts that come from this ungodly amount of no sleep. Oh the places your brain goes…Enjoy.

1) This morning I was driving my eldest son to school. He’s in first grade. Just lost his first tooth yesterday. Love that kid. Anyhow! When I got to the meeting point to pass my son on to his father I got out of the van and disgracefully still in my pajamas I look at my ex, someone who I have no vested interest,  any at all, in him having more children with his partner, and I say to him: “I don’t know what your plans are but just don’t have anymore kids.  Just don’t do it” He looked at me and then looked into my van full of boys and said “Oh no…yeah…no.” I think he got my message which was “I think I might die from lack of sleep….one of us must stay alive for him…”.

2) On my way home I pass a cop doing speed checks on the side of the road. Here is where my brain takes over…What if:

Open scene: I’m speeding. Super fast. Its called criminal speeding. The speed limit is 50 MPH lets say I’m going…..95 MPH just to be safe sure that I’ll get pulled over. The cop’s lights turn on and I am super happy. I would immediately pull over. In this fantasy the cop will arrest me, with out a fight, and take me to a room with no one else….just a dark lonely room with a bed big enough for only ONE person. He would also take my toddler and my baby to The Department of Children and Family Services a free baby sitter where they would be safe and fed. This could go on for the duration of 12-24 hours.  In this day dream I sleep the whole time.  End scene.

3) IV caffeine. That’s all I got on this one. Why is this not a thing yet?

As I’m typing this I can just sense the lack of quality in this post. However, its not the quality or the content that counts. What I’m aiming for is to blow steam. Do I really want my children taken from me? Do I really think my ex should never have any more children? Do I want to take up a bizarre IV drug addiction? No. Of course not. My mind is just that…..screwy right now. I can not be held accountable for where my mind wanders in this state.

I love my boys. I love them for their everything. Even their sleep problems. And when I step back and look at it….They don’t have sleep issues….it’s ME who has the sleep problems. Perhaps it comes down to expectations and poor choices. Whatever the issue is I think we can all agree that this is universal in our culture.  Lack of sleep leads us to all sorts of dysfunction. Lets all hold hands and sing songs in our unity of dysfunction. Because, hell, if we sleep deprived parents don’t have each  other’s back….we may very well fall backwards in line at the grocery store due to over-exhaustion. And we just can have that.



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