I am prone to bouts of yelling. I’m just not perfect. I dont recall there being any yelling in my home growing up. My parents had/have three kids so they did have to yell to get our attention at times. But I cant recall excessive yelling. I have all good thoughts and feelings about my upbringing.
So where did it happen? When? Somewhere along the line after I moved out of the nest I started to yell. Violently. I just raged. I dont know why it started if it wasnt in my nature. Since I’ve left the nest I haven’t always been in the ideal of situations. Perhaps the anxiety of uncertainty pushed me to anger which pushed me to rage. Anything would set me off.
In January..maybe it was the fifth….We went to look at a house. The house we are working so hard for. We are so close to closing it hurts. Anyhow. We were on our way there. We had had a pretty good morning. We were all excited to see the house. I was feeling anxious. What if we couldn’t afford it? What if it was a waste of time? What if the boys misbehave while we are there and we have to leave…or Felix has a blow out diaper. Just my typical “its all in my head” crap that brings me down. My amazing husband said something…and he looked at me. And I lost it. I grunted and scream and growled and hollered. I yanked the necklace that was around the rearview mirror down…no I ripped it off. The owl pendant that I love flying through the car. I stomped my feet. I almost cried. It was nuts. My boys were quiet. They were scared. Stephen was angry in response and I sent him into a foul mood. I apologized, I told Maddox I was sorry and it wasnt okay. But you can’t undo words. Apologies are formalities and you can not undo what has been done and what has been said and there are things you just cant say or do to people you love. And I did….I do it all the damn time. This is just one example.
Well I’m proud to say that today is day one of my no yelling challenge.
I found this amazing website: www.theorangerhino.com. This is great. I can do this.
Looking for alternatives to yelling? Check it here. Who’s with me? Lets support each other.
You can count on me ’cause I can count on you. Said Bruno Mars one time.